When You Know You're Too Old To Be the Biggest Asshole at the Party

I never thought this day would come. Ten years ago it seemed totally acceptable to be the drunkest person in the room, possibly because I almost never was. Despite the alarming number of cocktails I could consume, there was always someone in my circle of friends who had me beat. It was strangely comforting, even when I was waking up with my head nested comfortably on the toilet bowl, to know that someone else was feeling it worse than me.

Now it seems that I am old and my friends are too. We have children and jobs and better things to do than get totally smashed at a party, or so it would seem. Since becoming a mother, I tend to reserve getting impressively drunk for about once in a calendar year. Somehow this makes me feel like I'm not a lush, but when this date comes it's usually a showstopper.

We had a party this weekend and I am embarrassed to say that I was that gal, guzzling the martinis without making sure that someone was one ahead of me. I'm not sure what exactly I said to anyone, but it could not have been good. All this leads to now is feeling very hungover, and full of cringe-worthy shame the next morning. Sadly, it is no longer the hilarious elbow-jostling, laugh-at-yourself morning after comedy routine of yesteryear. Even though others may see it as no big deal I guess it's official: I'm too old. Time to retire my act and break out the cup of tea and the scrabble board peeps, because getting super wasted is just not as fun anymore. Well, until next year...