I keep telling myself "today is the day!"
Today is the day that I am going to unleash my creative energy and send it flying out into the world. Today I am going to start taking art classes, do some yoga, ride a horse, spin pottery. Really, this is the moment. Today I will paint, draw, sing, learn guitar, write a novel. Yeah.
Then the collective pull of all of the ambitions and creative desires I have been harboring inside for so long start to feel overwhelming and soon I can't do anything fast enough. So I do nothing. Wake up the next day, repeat cycle.
The first thing I'm doing to combat this creative slump is write this down, so that maybe someone else will call me on it the next time I complain that there is nothing left for me. Please feel free to do that. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, it is likely that no one will ever see this, so I don't have too much to worry about. But on the off chance that you are reading this, remind me to unharness some creativity today, because this stifled feeling is getting really old.
I realize that this is a pretty common problem among mothers of young children. Somewhere along the way through the jungle of diapers and sippy cups you lose your artistic self, and with each passing year it becomes harder and harder to find her again. Soon you just feel trapped, without being really sure of what's holding you down. I get great joy out of raising my kids and spending time with them each day, but there is a chasm that divides my former self and the current me, and I haven't yet figured out how to bridge that divide. Until I do I will continue to run in circles trying to find my way over.