Notes From the Super Lame

I am coming to realize more and more that I have to admit when I suck at things. As my friend said to me the other day when she was relating to this feeling "I just suck at life right now". 

I don't suck at everything, but there are some things that I really, really suck at. Little things that I find so totally overwhelming that I cannot possibly get them accomplished no matter how hard I think about them. Like The Bills that pile up around me and stare me down every morning when I get up. I don't pay them, or deal with whatever bank juggling needs to happen, instead I just smoosh the pile together and turn them over. That'll show you, Electric Company, if your envelope is face down you can't possibly make me pay you right this minute. Ha. Take that. Not even because I don't have the money, but more because I just don't want to. 

Also on a sucky note are the areas of clutter in my house that are slowly starting to take over the entire place, the crap slithering out across the hall and up my leg until it threatens to choke me if I don't admit RIGHT NOW that I am a teesy little bit of a hoarder. This is the kind of thing I suck at, figuring out where all of that shit is supposed to go (hint: the trash) and getting it there. 

I also cannot call people back who probably deserve to be called back. Nope, can't deal. Pretty much if you don't text and we haven't spoken in a long time, it's too hard and it's not happening. I don't walk my dog (or myself) enough. I can't possibly clean out the fridge. I don't really care if my daughter hasn't washed her hair in a week (a week!), which is the same amount of time it takes me to empty the litter box. I came to work last night realizing only after I'd been there half an hour that I wasn't wearing a bra (thank god it wasn't so busy I'd needed to run down the hall or somebody might have lost an eye). 

I am sucking at these regular things so badly right now that I wonder if there is ever a time when I am on top of my game. Maybe this is the top of my game, and that is so sad I want to weep, but not really, because that's too hard. Instead I will just shrug it off and assume that at some point the greasy hair, cluttered hall, or the stench of the fridge when they cut off my electricity will snap me out of it and force me to pay some bills. Until then I will just keep on sucking.